Helping Kids Cope with Deployment

12 Tips for Parents and Families

Since fighting began in Iraq and Afghanistan, deployments have affected millions of military children.  There are almost 230,000 children who have at least one parent on active duty.  The American Psychiatric Association offers the following tips to help children cope with the deployment of a parent. 

1. Give kids accurate and honest information, geared to their developmental level.

2. Let kids express their thoughts, feelings and fears.  Encourage them to ask questions.  Let them know that you’re not afraid to hear what’s on their mind.

3. Try and maintain as much stability and predictability as possible in other areas of family life.  For example, it’s preferable not to move or have kids change schools during a deployment. 

4. Spend time with relatives and friends to help enhance the sense of extended family during a deployment. 

5. Continue family traditions.  It’s important to celebrate events such as holidays and birthdays during a deployment.  It helps kids realize that life continues even though lots of things are different with a parent on active military duty. 

6. Don’t make promises which may be hard to keep, such as “Daddy will be home for the holidays” or “This is the last time Mommy needs to go away.”

7. Let your child’s teacher know about your spouse’s deployment.  It may help explain changes in behavior or performance at school.

8. Keep in contact.  If possible, write letters, email, instant messages, video chat or call.  Kids need a way to share the details of their lives and staying in close contact with the child is important for the at-home and deployed parent.

9. Find ways to connect with other families going through similar experiences. 

10. Limit exposure to TV news with extensive or repeated violent or frightening images.

11. Take care of yourself.  Make sure you have enough support and assistance.  Arrange to take time off with friends.  You can be most helpful to your kids when you recognize and attend to your own needs, as well. 

12. Children who are preoccupied with questions about war or death should be evaluated by a mental health professional.  Other signs that a child may need additional help include ongoing trouble sleeping, intrusive thoughts, images, or worries, or recurring fears about safety, leaving home or going to school.  Ask your child’s pediatrician, family practitioner or school counselor to help arrange an appropriate referral.